Are you stressing over the family wedding day dynamics? Does Aunt So and So’s love for martinis send shivers down your spine? Or does your husband give that look every time someone brings up Cousin What’s His Name (…and you return the look with a glance of pure horror)? Several brides have shared with me that the fear of family drama by far passes the fear of fainting at the altar or breaking out with acne …But, how can you handle it without making people feel awkward or left out…how?
I always like to think proactively with a touch of delegation and sensitivity. There are always family members that must be invited and we know that, so here are a few fun ways to keep your wedding day fun, of course!
1) Delegate a friend or family member that naturally is good at diffusing situations or talking with people (you can always tell because they never fight and people always seek them for advice)to be your “Go To Person” to handle any dilemmas or concerns. So when grandma is drinking too much again and someone needs to find her a way home, it won’t be you or your parents “problem solving” all night. It will allow you to enjoy the evening that you spent months planning and a load of cash to put together. (Let’s face it will happen, you just don’t have to be the person to make it better).
2) If you have a little more “passionate” family members than others, then assigned seating is a great option. Try to mix the seating arrangement so they are next to individuals that share the same interests and age. A mixture of both families is wise too, the two families are coming together as one anyways and they don’t share as much history. Or you could go the complete opposite direction (usually the smaller weddings), like my husband and I, and not have any seating arrangements what so ever…we had a “sweetheart” table for just the two of us and everyone else sat where they chose. This eliminated the “feeling offended” with where they are placed. This works really well if you have your ceremony and reception at the same location.
3) Never assume people know what to do or where to go, always plan ahead and thoroughly! One of the biggest piece that is overlooked by couples is the ceremony seating arrangement. Where grandma and grandpa sit is huge. These days families aren’t so normal so it becomes a pretty big job for your ushers. There are dads, step-dads, girlfriends, adopted parents, etc and if you do not tell your ushers where you want these members to be seated mom might end up by herself if dad is re-married…
4) Open bar is fun and sometimes more simple than cash bars, but we know this also opens the door to maybe too many for “Uncle Joe Bob” and several embarrassing toasts. Clear communication with the bartenders is a
wonderful step towards peace of mind. There are ways that they can cut off specific individuals without denying them a “drink”, maybe a higher ratio of coke than rum….(this would be great for your go to person to help with). They are professionals and have ways to handle the more thirsty crew, ask them what their protocol is with slowing down the refreshments. Your choice in drinks is key too, if you have a grand display of hard liquors a handful of your friends and family will see to it that they enjoy the spread you have provided. Of course we don’t want you to feel like you can’t have alcohol at your wedding!! My absolute favorite way to diffuse the “too many consumed” is dancing!!! Hire a great DJ and get out on the dance floor. Your guests will go where you go and do what you do (it’s your wedding and they want to celebrate with you)! Find a way to get those friends and family on the dance floor to sweat, laugh and have fun (it never fails to settle any tense situation, here we go electric slide)!
